BIG NEWS

I AM GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

Not only that, but it's to the man I have always dreamed of marrying since I was about 12. That's right, it's one of THOSE stories!! But it is MY WONDERFUL story.

Andrew proposed to me around 7PM on Friday, September 9, 2011. It was at the beach, during sunset. It was PERFECT. Here is a little run down on how it all happened....

     We had the PERFECT day. We both took off work and headed to the beach. It was a BEAUTIFUL/SUNNY day and the waves were HUGE!! Andrew headed out to surf ( and got barreled by a couple waves!) and I snapped some photos and read a bunch. We headed in for a late lunch/early dinner and cooked up some fish we had picked up from our favorite local fish market. Then Andrew asked if I wanted to go for a walk on the beach before we headed home, and so off we went.

    During our stroll down the beach Andrew was snapping photos of really random stuff, but I really didnt think anything of it, we kept on walkin'. The tide was high and the sand was really hard to walk on, and we were both feelin' some pain in our feet so I told him we should turn around, but Andrew was determined!! We headed straight for our usual spot where we like to set up the camera on timer and take a few pictures of ourselves acting silly.

     We took one of ourselves standing infront of the ocean, and then Andrew went to check it out and "readjust" the lense. Well, it felt like he was up there for forever, while I was standing there solo twirling around or asking Andrew what was taking so long. After about a grand total of about 45 seconds of Andrew fiddling around with the lense bag, he clicked the button and came running down to me. I went to put my arm around him to take the picture, and the next thing I knew he was down on one knee with a ring box wide open, with the most beautiful ring I have ever seen!! And it was then and there that he asked me to marry him. After total shock and mis-belief that I was not dreaming, I said YES!!!  So WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!! I will soon be Jessica VanFossen Parham!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!


Here is what the night looked like....

This was our amazing view....

This is me in utter shock!! And Andrew asking me the question I have always wanted to hear from him!!

 This is me and my future husband... I am the most BLESSED woman in the world!!!!!!



And these are of my Ring!!!

Be real with God.

Every morning I sit down with my cup of coffee and I read. Lately my readings have taken me to Psalms. I have fallen inlove with them. Maybe it is my place in life that is allowing me to relate on a very minut scale to David or maybe God is softening my heart and giving me more understanding. But whatever it is I am lovin' it.

This mornings Psalm is Psalm 13. I have such great respect for this particular Psalm because it is raw and honest. Verses 1-4 are honest cries and pleas to the Lord.

¹ How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me? 

² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
   and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
   How long will my enemy triumph over me?


 ³ Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
   Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, 

⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” 
   and my foes will rejoice when I fall. 


Look at those lines!!! How many times do we FEEL those emotions. How many days do we wrestle with ourselves and feel totally demolished by life and those around us? If you are anything like me, it is sometimes on a daily basis ( depending on the depth of the situations ). BUT how often do we HONESTLY cry out to God in the way? David throws out the fancy "holy words" and is REAL with God. He is telling him that he feels like God has forgotten him. Left him to wrestle with himself and his thorughts. He is pleading with God to LOOK ON HIM AND ANSWER HIM!! He feels defeated.


But then look at verses 5-6 :


⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
   my heart rejoices in your salvation. ⁶ I will sing the LORD’s praise,
   for he has been good to me.


David knows no matter what GOD IS GOOD. God is the one that you put ALL your trust in. God is good even in the bad. I think this is where my lesson from David comes in. I usually have no issue telling God exacly how I feel ( even though he knows it-even If I am lying to myself ). But I need to always rememeber that EVEN IN THE BAD TIMES, God is good. He may allow bad things to happen, but he is still good.

"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" - Dr.Seuss

In middle school, highschool and the beginning years of college, I was very aware of what others thought of me. I was aware of the clothes I was wearing, what I was saying, how things were said to me, and I was hyper sensitive to the way others "viewed" me. Sadly, It took me around 22 years to figure out that Dr. Seuss was right. WHY SHOULD I FIT IN WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD, WHEN GOD CREATED ME TO STAND OUT??

I have seen this lesson played out over and over again in my life. Once I learned that I don't have to  compromise who I am people learned to appreciate and respect me more for EXACTLY who I am. I am silly, I am antsy, I am random, I am compassionate, I don't talk about others behind their back or gossip. I am 100% me. And I have learned that people may be thrown off by that at first, but then they grow to LOVE it.

I wish I had learned this lesson earlier on in life, it really would have saved me alot of insecurity and heart ache. I now realize that God did not make me to Fit iN. He made me to be uniquly me. My life does not revolve around a guy, the latest trends, the "popular" crowd or whether or not someone likes me or not anymore. I have learend that none of those things really matter.

In life guys come and go ( all but ONE, and he will love you for exactly who you are anyways, flaws and all). In life trends definitley come and go and the popular girl is popular one day and then the next she is a total loser. So WHY NOT be 100% you? Stand up for who you are. People will love you for who you are and if they don't then its ok, they don't have too. But don't make someone like you for who you AREN'T because then you will go around living a lie.

SO CHEERS TO YOU! Because you are amazing!!

Help a teacher out...

So that time of year is rolling around again. It is time to buy those fresh packs of paper, pencils, markers, crayons, a new backpack, ect. But why don't you take a look from a teachers perspective.

My best friend Courtney is a teacher in a low income area in NC, and she does not get provided with the tools and supplies needed for her classroom to function smoothly. Her kids cannot afford supplies to last through out the year, and as big as Courtneys heart is, her wallet during the school year because of school supplies, is not. Please take a second to read her blog and think about helping a fellow teacher friend ( or Courtney herself, I can get the supplies to her! )

http://courtneyincarolina.blogspot.com/2011/07/back-to-school-supplies-part-2-or-how-i.html

17 years of Sass and Class...

Olivia Edwards is 17 years of sass and class. She is the most honest and genuine person I know. She tells you how it is and is not afraid to be HERSELF. Olivia spent a week with me when I was babysitting over night for our awesome friend/mentor Nicole Unice . We laughed everynight so hard that we would cry. She introduced me to Jersey Shore ( I still don't understand that show Olivia ) and "I Used to be Fat". She would comentate the whole time and I LOVED it.  She shared a room with Stacie, Kristy and I at Passion and we were all introduced to a new level of vulerability with eachother and it was a beautiful thing. And we all learned on that trip what it was to be "scene" thanks to Olivia.

My good, wonderful friend Olivia, got in a serious car accient on Tuesday, where she was Medivac'ed to MCV where the doctors discovered bleeding in her brian and splean. She has been in critical but stable condition since Tuesday. And as Saturday rolls around we are seeing little glimps of hope.

Olivia has been moving her hands around a little bit, and when her dad asked her "How many kisses do you want Olivia" she responded with "one". It doesn't seem like much but PRAISE THE LORD for that progress. Dr.'s say it will be a really long road. 1-2 months in the hospital, with months of physical therapy and recovery.

I tell you all this to ask you for your prayer. Anytime you think about her pray. Isaiah 55:8 says "For your thoughts are not my thoughts, nor your ways my ways, declares the Lord". This is a verse I constantly have to remember. God has a plan in this for Olivia, and for everyone involved in Olivias life. She is a beautiful example of God's child.

insecurity and prayer

Prayer is not my strong suit.  I hate to admit that, but its just not one the things that comes with ease to me. And you know what? I get insecure about it. I help out at youth group along with quite a few other 20 somethings, and during a group prayer I find myself comparing my prayer to other peoples. If I go first I am down because it feels like everyone else's prayer seems to "trump" mine. If I want to pray at any given point in the group prayer, I sometimes stop myself because I know my prayer will come out as less " godly" or "moving". And half of the time I am analyzing everyone and the passion in their voice or their choice of wording, I'm not fully there and I'm not honoring the fact that we are talking to GOD. What is up with that?

Why in the world would I compare my prayer to someone elses? We are all talking to the same God! Why do I allow myself to feel insecure, compare and feel like people will think that I fail at my prayer life. Just because I sometimes start off my prayers like:

 " Hey God, what's up? My day really sucked today! I just want you to know that I am really struggling with everything in life right now"

                                                     Verses

" Dear Heavely Father, thank you so much for your gracious mercies that appear new to me each and everymorning, thank you for the sufferings you supply me with that I may grow."

DOES NOT mean that I fail at my prayer life. It means I am being ME. It means I am being honest with God and I am not sugar coating anything with him, I mean he knows me inside and out already, why try and hide it?  I mean still pray with respect, but there is NO prayer vocabulary. There is no prayer model to follow, it comes from the heart. So why do I get insecure?? Who cares if other people's prayers get really affirming comments and reactions, as long as I am being REAL with God, I think that is enough. Now if I can just keep reminding myself of this.

Have faith like a child right?

New stages

    It has been awhile since I updated, so here I go...

I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!! ( Pictures to prove it!! )

<<<<< REAL Proof hahah

I took a week an a half off from everything to just chill and BE for a bit before I started "real life" at CarMax!! I think that was the best thing I could have done. I wish I would have taken MORE time to just be but, the 1.5 weeks was GREAT!! Andrew and I went to the beach 2 times and then went 4-wheeling, it was SO much fun!!

Well, Like I said above I now work at CarMax Coorprate Office! BIIIIG BIIIIIG Change for  me, and if I'm honest with you, one I don't love. Sitting at a "9-5" job in a cubical, calling people all day long, is NOT AT ALL my idea of fun. It is not me at all. I need a CREATIVE job. Something where I can express myself and talk to people and see color and LIFE!! I need creativity outside of the Doodling I do when I am on hold.
[ Below are pictures of my desk and my "hold doodles"]

Although, having a "real job" is not too bad. When you leave, you leave your work at work. I don't have homework or anything to study for, I just go to work, come home and VAWALA I can BE where I am.

If I am honest with you again, my attitude this week towards my job has been very poor. I think I am at the breaking point, where I SHOULD know what to do in 95% of the situations, but I'm more at the 75% mark and it makes me feel insecure and stupid. I have this HUGE fear of failure, that I won't be good enough, that I will let myself down and I will look bad infront of others! It has been eating me alive. And even though I have Philippians 4:11 ["Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."] taped to my computer,
I find myself to be disatisfied. I am working on it, but like my job I feel like contentment has put me on hold. But I'll wait. I'm not saying it will be an easy "hold" but I need to once again re-adjust and find out who I am in my new world.