Check out the article on my family!!

http://www2.timesdispatch.com/news/2010/dec/24/tdmain01-cooking-runs-in-the-family-ar-734449/

I love my family. Tradition and culture!!

The songs of the 90's and Christ??

      With the exception of songs like the Funky Cold Medina and Tootsie Roll there really are some awesome 90s songs that make you think and find appreciation in God and the little things in life. On my way to Nicole's this morning I was switching up my Christmas music up and tuned into a station that was playing "All Star" by Smashmouth and then next up was "Tell me all your thoughts on God" by Dishwalla. Although I am a child of the 90's I don't think I ever took the time to actually LISTEN to the lyrics. They are really actually thought provoking. Here is the line from All Star that grabbed my attention:


           "Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
          Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
          Didn't make sense not to live for fun
          Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

          So much to do so much to see
          So what's wrong with taking the back streets
          You'll never know if you don't go
          You'll never shine if you don't glow"

Maybe you are thinking..."uhhh?? Whats so great about those lyrics?" but when I read them I think HOLY COW they make so much sense. 

1- Life keeps moving on wether you like it or not

2- No one WANTS to follow the rules

3- You need to enjoy this one life that God has given you, its not all about the knowledge of the world you can gain, you have to go out and love the world that God has placed us in

4- Why conform to the rest of the world, when you can take the path less traveled and see new things 

5- GO AND DO AND SEE

Then there is the song "Tell me all your thoughts on God" :

                  "He walked with a purpose and his sneakers down the street
                   he had..Many questions, like childeren often do.
                   he said....Tell me all your thoughts on God, and tell 

                   me am I very far.

                   We count only blue cars skip the cars in the street. 

                   And asked many questions like children often do.

                   we said...Tell me all your thoughts on God, cause I'd really 

                   like to meet her. And asked her where and who we are.
                  Tell me all your thoughts on God, cause I'm on my way 

                   to see her."

1- We can all take lessons in the bold and honest questions of children

2- We need to gain knowledge and advise from our elders

3- Having the child like faith 

4- Having the knowledge that you WILL see Christ

I love these 2 songs, I love the songs of the 90's. I am a child of the 90's. I did not know that you could get so much out of these!!! Just goes to see that you can find God anywhere you look. I started out this morning with a quick devo and my thoughts went straight through the God filter instead of the usual worldly one. 

Thank you Lord for this day, for songs of the 90's and for my right mindset this morning. 

Dry periods of life...

      Do you ever have a period of life where everything seems so dull and dry?? If not, I think you may be lying to yourself, OR if you aren't then please tell me your secret. Life has seemed so blah for me for the past 3 weeks. A lot of my relationships seem to be at a stand point ( or like I always say, your relationships are like a current, it's always moving, its either going up current or down).  I have no PASSION for any one thing besides the things in life that HAVE to stay put right now, and I struggle to keep "life" in me. The thing is I think I need an adventure. I have been stuck in my hometown for too long. Scratch that, I have been stuck in the United States for too long now. I am 22 years old, I need to get out and SEE THE WORLD THAT GOD HAS MADE!!! And yet, I am stuck. I have one more semester of school to go, them comes the next expected step in life... a job. Not that having a "real" job is a bad thing, because parts of me are so pumped for it, but with a real job comes REAL limitations. And that scares me.
      Today I found myself sitting in one of my classes looking up plane tickets. I just want to GO. I want to duplicate the trip I took last February to Balboa Island and hang out with Andrews aunt and uncle. I want to pick up and go see my family in Mexico. I want to go have a cabin of Young Life girls in Ireland and Wales again. I want to go some where NEW like Australia, Rome, Africa, Chile, Germany, France, Poland, Alaska, ANYWHERE really... I just feel like I need to explore new people, new cultures, new ground and discover and uncover something new and different out there that God has created.
      So, I feel dry. I feel dull. I feel blah.... and it is wearing me out!! Any suggestions anyone?? Besides the fact that Nicole and I need to fill out our "Amazing Race" application. I'm in need of a good adventure.

Lately the coolest thing in my life has been the food I make....

So I am a big fan of stumbleupon.com and I came across these two really fun recipes lately, and so I gave them a whirl.....

Brownie pops and sugar swirl cookies... YUMMY..

Thanksgiving feast on a cupcake...

         I got an early start on Thanksgiving and made these cupcakes. What do you think?

We have the Turkey cupcake

Here is a Thanksgiving Plate full of mashed potatoes and gravy, turkey and gravy and peas

And last but not least a Cherry Pie.

selfish verses selfLESS

       Selfishness and selfLESSness has been on my mind a lot lately. To be selfish according to Websters dictionary is :  concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being WITHOUT REGARD FOR OTHERS. The Key here is WITHOUT REGARD FOR OTHERS. Meaning, you are only looking out for yourself. When I think about what the world would be like if everyone was like that I am scared out of my mind. If everyone is ONLY Looking out for themselves there would be crime rates SKY ROCKETING because people would not care about the well being of others possessions. Everyone would be single because no one would want to marry someone who does not care about them, and that would lead to either:
 a- no reproducing because no one would want to care for an infant who is SCREAMING all of the time, whose diaper has to be constantly changed, who only WANTS and NEEDS things from you
                   OR
b- OVER population because everyone would only want pleasure, and women would be single with 6 kids because the man did not want to care for other people...
        - or rise in abortions because there would be no care for another's LIFE
And that scares me to death. Selfishness is talked about many times in the bible:


Proverbs 18:1
An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment.

Romans 2:8 
But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.

Romans 15:1-2
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.


        Now on to selfLESSness. This is what I hope to be. I hope to put others before myself. I hope to help the "least of these" like mentioned in Matthew 25:40:
 " And the King will make answer and say to them, Truly I say to you, Because you did it to the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."  If we help out others and they help out others then we will eventually create a chain reaction of selfLESS love and life will be so much easier. 
I have a story of great selfLESS love about my friend Richard.


         Richard came here from Africa with his little boy Alexander. He works super hard, but does not make enough money to live a life with ANY cushion what-so-ever. He has no winter coat, no boots, and sends his son off to school with only rice to eat, because that is all he can afford. One day he was down to his last $5, he was running out of gas, but saw a homeless man. He felt like God wanted him to give the man his last $5 and that He would be provided for. So Richard gave the man his money and was told " God Bless you sir. You will be blessed more than you know.". Richards goes back to work and is loading chairs into this woman's car, and she hands him a $30 tip! First of all, tips are not given at his job, but God provided. Richard is what we would consider to be "the least of these" but the homeless man is what Richard considered to be " the least of these". If we all do as Richard did, I truly feel that we would be a better world, and that we would actually BE THE CHURCH.

filling up belly's one conversation at a time...

       I am over joyed, all smiles, and feel so blessed after our first experience with feeding and clothing the homeless.  There were so many AMAZING people at Monroe Park today.  We set up shop and all of a sudden so many people with UNREAL stories started coming to our tables and grabbing some soup, sandwiches, cookies, coffee and water.

       We all met someone that warmed our hearts in a special way. For me, Liza, ,Olivia, Kela, Alex, Maddie and Ashley that woman was Mrs. Janice Fields!! Mrs. Fields was WONDERFUL! She was a fun and very open older woman who just wanted someone to talk to and share her story with. She came to Richmond from New Orleans after the hurricane. She lost her dog of 18 years in the storm and she said that she is in the same family as Miss Fields Cookies!! Crazy huh?

           For Andrew it was Don. Don has a great story, he is homeless by "choice". He has already WALKED from Maine to L.A. and now he is walking from Maine to Miami! He chose this life for himself after what he called a "dead end job" after 2 years and it was so amazing to get to hear his story and learn more about his life. Andrew got to talk to him about Jesus and the church and Mr. Don is coming to church tomorrow with us!

         There were many other amazing stories but you need to ask of of the many people who came to help us out tonight about their own experience. You see we learned today that there are many people in need. There are REAL people with REAL stories and REAL faces who just sometimes want someone to talk to. There are still skeptics out there and I understand your caution, I actually appreciate it. You see if you were to go with us you would have smelled alcohol on the breaths of 75% of the men and women we talked to BUT who are we to judge. That may be their way of numbing the pain, they may not have gotten the chance or taken the chance to get to know Jesus. He can take away their pain, but He needs us to open the door he is knocking on. I love the picture I get in my mind whenever I hear this saying: Jesus is knocking on the door for you, but there is no handle on his side, so you have to open it up for him.

         Thank you so much to all of the men and women who helped me get this project going. Thank you for everyone who has supported this and for all of your amazing hearts. Now:
                        WHO IS UP FOR DOING IT AGAIN????

People of HOPE

          As I write this I am overwhelmed with the overflow of love from the people of Hope Church!! I have been going to Hope for about 3 years now, and they have adopted me as their own. Parents allow me to hang out with their daughters, Pete gave me a chance to love on the youth, Nicole Unice has been my mentor and great friend, High School girls want to hang out with me, Women like Krista Quinby, Amy Robinson, Lisa Marshal, Melissa Robinson and Shannon Shaw have loved on me well and my faith has grown. And I have been connected to women my own age FINALLY like Meredith Rose, Clair Isenberg, Stacie McGeever and Kristy Younker. However, the most recent out pour of love has gotten my choked up a few times.

       As many people know, I have a huge love and heart for the homeless. And Nicole and Pete have let me run with my own homeless service project with the youth that involves Hope Church as a whole. This project has allowed me the awesome pleasure of meeting new people at Hope, and has allowed me to see that people at Hope WANT TO HELP. People I do not know are bringing in clothing for the Homeless and a whole plethora of food and drinks that we will be giving out. People are going out of their way to help this project out, and since this is my PASSION I feel an overflow of love personally as well.

      Hope Church has this awesome love for other people which comes from their love for Christ, which makes this love extraordinary and genuine. I feel honored to be a part of this Hope Family. Thank you so much to all of you who have helped me carry this project out. Thank you to the youth who are pulling together to buy food for Saturday and for all of you who have been asking me what I need more of and how you can help. Thanks everyone, I feel overwhelmed with your love and your love for Christ.

The key to a better butt and thighs....???

         My butt and thighs have never been more WORKED until my walk to Williamsburg with some really amazing people. Now which statement is more shocking? That I am writing a blog post about my butt or the fact that 13 people WALKED 48.2 miles to WILLIAMSBURG FROM RICHMOND??

         Let me first start off with our amazing journey to raise $2,100+. Our goal was to support one amazing girl, so that she could go live free of charge, at a home with Mercy Ministries. We all wanted her to get the second chance that she deserves.. We started off at 5:30am meeting up, doing some stretches and "yoga" in the chick-fil-a parking lot. Then our first group of runners took off and started up our amazing 18 hour day together. The awesome thing is we ended up raising enough money to be able to support her!!

        NOW let me show you and then tell you about my choice of attire....

(Kristy and I getting PUMPED)

        Yes, along with my mis-match clothes I am wearing REEBOK EASY TONES. You know the shoes with the commercial with all of the women wearing their short shorts showing off their butt and thighs?? Yea, I bought into the corporate scam and bought the shoes. BUT I took it a step further....

             You see, I hate working out. I am not a fan of "the burn". And running seems so boring to me, unless I am chasing a soccer ball. So I thought to myself:

                          " WHAT IF I WEAR MY REEBOK EASY TONES 

                             FOR THE 45ish MILES TO WILLIAMSBURG??

                             I can kill 2 birds with one stone and get a better butt 

                             and thighs in ONE DAY!!!"

Sounds brilliant huh?? I thought so too, until around mile 16, when I could hardly walk any longer. Anyways, turns out my plan was not so brilliant and I ended up at the orthopedist and he was telling me how I screwed up my IT band. 

BUT THE FUN DOES NOT STOP THERE... I got this gel stuff to rub on my knee. So I'm in class the other day (totally paying attention... ahem) and my knee hurts, so I whip out the gel and apply it. Then I get bored in class and do the whole hold your face up with your hand thing. Next thing I know,  my knee starts to get numb from the gel... 2 minutes later, so does my left ear and face. Turns out the gel was actually numbing gel. Go figure I didn't read the instructions. hahahahah

Anyways, all of this to say, I love my church.  AND Reebok Easy Tones are not the shoe to wear if you ever decide to walk to Williamsburg.

YOGA at chick-fil-a parking 

All of us with our AMAZING 1longroad2gether bracelets made by Olivia!!

submission

       I have talked to many people about the term "submission" and many of the people I have talked to take offense to the term when it is in relation to marriage.  This has tweaked an interest in me to investigate more into the term.  I have been reading this book " God, Marriage and Family" and in the first chapter it lays out the roles of men and women in a marriage, and of course 1 Peter 3 is mentioned : "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,  when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." To me I see HONOR in the term submission. Let me explain...


     First of all, in the term submission, it does NOT say Wives be a DOOR MAT, or wives DON'T THINK FOR YOURSELVES, or wives YOUR HUSBAND IS MORE FAVORED AND THE MORE SUPERIOR BEING. 


     We first need to go back to Genesis 2:18 "The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” In this verse woman is called a SUITABLE helper, or EZER. This is a term that was only used for WOMAN and GOD HIMSELF. It is a very honorable term, that is used with great dignity and valor. 


      Then, Genesis 3:16 states: To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. our desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”  This very CLEARLY states that the man will have "authority" over woman. And this is a very touchy topic. But think about it. When the "fall" happened, roles were reversed. Woman took charge, ate from the tree, and ADAM WAS WITH HER (Genesis 3:6). He did not step up to the plate, he did not take responsibility for him and his wife, and he was more or less a coward, and did not intervene and BAM the fall. FROM THEN ON God gave man ultimate authority and RESPONSIBILITY to provide, protect and take blame for the short comings of him and his family. And I know that I am thankful that I do not have that role because that scares me to death.


     Here is where submission makes sense. I honestly do not think that the majority of women would want to be held to that standard of PROVIDING FULLY, taking full responsibility for the short comings, hard times, etc. and having that GOD GIVEN responsibility because if you fail at it, you are held accountable. But I take honor in one day being the helper to my husband. Because I know that I will marry a Godly man WHO WILL BE LIVING HIS LIFE FOR THE LORD, and so I know his choices and decisions will be Godly and I will take comfort in that. God knows what He is doing, and this plan is laid out in the bible, we need to stop trying to fit it to OUR lives and FOLLOW the word of God.

scary things

       You know those things you know that you should not do, and yet you keep doing them?? Well, one of my biggest "shouldn't do's" is watch scary/suspenseful shows and movies.  God has designed me to be a very imaginative woman, I think in stories, scenarios and pictures, and so scary and suspenseful things do not work well with my personality. 


      I am currently in bed wishing I did not watch Castle. A GREAT show, but its kinda suspenseful and scary. Psalm 101:3  states : I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me... AKA Do not put any bad thing in front of you so that you will not have that image hinder and follow you. And I find that the thoughts follow me in my dreams, then I wake up exhausted, scared and needing someone I love to sit with me and rub my back until I go back to sleep again. That verse has SO much meaning and purpose in it. 

     Right now, I wish I had not watched Castle, BUT I take comfort in Psalm 27:1 " The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of whom shall I be afraid?"

Thank you Lord for loving me so much and protecting me in the darkness.

Homeless Project

      Hope High Schoolers are making a difference in the world. That's right the WORLD, and we are starting in our own backyard. We are going to feed and Clothe the homeless of Richmond on November 20th!! But we cannot do it alone.
      Lately the sermons at Hope have been about grace and the "I AM HOPE" campaign, and we are putting those lessons into action. Everyone needs a pocket of grace and we are hoping to be the people that God uses to show the homeless of Richmond that grace. There are always reservations about the homeless, like : " Some people are just trying to scam us.", " They are just out there because they are lazy and do not want to hold a job.", AND " The homeless are a bunch of drunks and drug addicts."... and you may be right on some accounts, but isn't GRACE about nonjudgmental, sacrificial, and undeserving LOVE?
      Cody Buchan, Andrew Parham and I ( Jessica VanFossen ) went down to Richmond last Friday to talk to the homeless and get to know their needs a little better. We met Jared, a man with no legs and a wheelchair, who has been homeless for 20 years, whose friends and family will not help ( we are guessing he is a vet). Omar who has been homeless since October 12, 2010 because his mom pasted away and he could not afford the house and payments. All he wants is a job, he sleeps at the VCU police station because he says he fear for his life. He loves Steven Seagal, the 49ers and is allergic to onions ( interesting huh? ). And Linda who came here to work with horses at Colonial Downs, but ended up with Kidney failure and lost her job. She has been homeless for 5 years. These are all REAL people, with names, a story, family, issues, loves, passions, and personality, CHILDREN OF GOD who need OUR help.
     These men and women are coming up to a brutal winter and in order to survive need clothes and food. So please when you clean out your closets and switch your summer/fall clothes in for winter ones, consider donating your old/unwanted clothes to our special project. If you think about it, your old winter coat could save someones life this winter.
      SO how can you help us?? Well you can drop off the following items in the first closet on the right in the Hope office....

FOOD:

- 10 packages of Egg Drop Noodles

- 4 containers of Chicken BASE or 5 -8 boxes of Chicken Broth

- Package of Carrots ( Big bag )

- 2 bags of FROZEN chicken

- 4 Jars of Peanut Butter

- 3 Jars of Jelly

- 2 -3 lbs of Coffee ( ground up )

- 4-5 cases of water
- 300 disposable bowls
- 300 disposable spoons
- 300 disposable cups ( FOR COFFEE )
- Napkins
- 300 ziploc sandwich bags

OLD CLOTHES: 

- Jeans

- Sweatshirts/pants

- Coats/ Jackets

- Shirts

- NEW underwear and socks

- Shoes

- Scarves

- Gloves

- Hats

- Blankets

ANYTHING ELSE:

- tooth brush

- tooth paste

- brushes

- soaps

- etc.

Thank you so much in advance. If you have any further questions or want to help in a bigger way please e-mail me at: Vanfossenjm@vcu.edu.

In the making...

      Well, a lot has been going on this past week, nothing really noteworthy, but there is something from this week that has come about that I am beyond stoked about. It is the Hope Youth Group HOMELESS project that I have the great pleasure of heading up!!
      I will kick off the announcement about our project Next Monday in Hope for the Week, but I am too excited not to write about it now. We are headed off to Monroe Park on November 20th to feed and clothe the homeless of downtown Richmond. I have decided on Chicken Noodle soup, Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches and coffee...I know not the BEST mix of foods, BUT I think we need to start off with a variety and see what works best. And plus since it is the first time doing this we need to see how people will react.        
      I am stoked on feeding the men and women of Richmond, but more stoked on clothing them for the winter. I am going to ask all of Hope to go through their old winter clothes and donate them to our project instead of directly to Goodwill. We will be handing out clothes and blankets to keep the men and women warm during the harsh winter so they have a better chance of survival. And with all of the left over clothes we may have, we will donate to a shelter or another amazing cause.
     Something else that gets me so pumped about this project is the Youth involvement. We have a few girls who are going to capture the day with their awesome photography skills and we are putting everyones strong points up to good use. And the fact that Hope will be marching out of the Suburbs to be a part of this project is even more exciting.
     I am hoping and praying that God will use this experience to open up our hearts and minds to GRACE. SOOO many people think that helping the homeless is hopeless because they will only use us or take our money and use it on drugs and alcohol,  and they may be right. But grace is about giving UNDESERVING love and compassion, and that is what I hope to accomplish with this project.
    So please help us to make this project the best it can be. If you want more information on how to help or be a part of this comment on this blog and I will get back to you!!!

Pockets of Grace.

    Have you ever had a really bad day and felt really awful about yourself and then someone comes up to you and compliments you.  Or you were really hungry and someone offered you half of their lunch without knowing.  Or someone offered you a piece of gum and didn't know your breath was stinky? Don't those little "pockets of grace" make the WORLD of a difference?

    I have read stories about teenagers who were going to commit suicide on a particular day because they felt worthless and felt like they did not amount to anything. But on that particular day, someone complimented them or asked them to hang out for the first time, and they choose NOT to take their own life. It was all about the pocket of grace, the particular person gave them that day that saved their life.

    I often think about teenage girls who end up pregnant our of wedlock. These girls are scared out of their minds. Wondering what their family and friends, CHURCH, and outsiders will think of them. SO scared to the point of contemplating abortion.  I really feel that if we were to extend grace and love to these girls ( and guys who are involved ) and realize that they made a mistake, but also, realize that YOU make equal too or worse mistakes, that these girls would keep the baby or put it up for adoption. It is all about giving grace and love to people in all kinds of situations.

    The cool thing about grace is that we do not deserve it, but it is given to us anyways. Take a relationship with the Lord for example. NONE of us deserve it, and yet we get it, time and time again. Its a selfLESS love which its worth cannot be measured.

    Remember how you feel when someone give you undeserving grace, and give someone that grace today. You never know what that person is going through.

( IF YOU ARE UNEMPLOYED AND NEED AN OUTFIT CLEAN FOR AN INTERVIEW WE WILL CLEAN IT FOR FREE)

i'm fine.

This is something to think about...

“The average person tells 4 lies a day, and 1460 a year. A total of 88,000 by the age of 6. And the most common lie is I’m fine.”

Why can't we all be honest with each other and realize that it is totally fine to not be fine??

( p.s. I just really loved this quote, I really AM fine hahah )

To go to class, or not to go to class? THAT is MY question.

     I am about to share with you one of the most common internal battles I have, where do my priorities lie when it comes to school.  First of all, I know that school is a necessary evil. It is something that I have to do, in order to succeed in my generation, but it does not mean that I have to like it, because I don't. I never have. So this creates a lot of turmoil within myself. Case in point this morning. It was raining, I woke up, felt tired, so I went back to sleep and skipped my first class. In my mind, me getting sleep and being well rested ranks higher than my social work class. Good or bad, that is just the way it is. And for 4.5 years that has been my struggle, to go, or not to go to class.

    I find myself in this little pickle quite frequently.  It tends to get worse as the weather gets warmer. The beach with friends is much more appealing than sitting in a class I could care less about. So I tend to lean towards the beach 9 out of 10 times. And when someone wants to catch up and can only do it during my 11 o'clock class, 10 out of 10 times ( unless I have a test ) I will go. I believe that enriching relationships is much more important and valuable than going to class to sit there confused and surf the internet. And that may seem like a cop out answer but it really is the truth. I can think of 100's of more important things I could be doing. 

    I just wanted to let you know that this really is an issue for me. It gets harder too when you throw in the fact that I have never excelled at school. I have never been able to test well, and I write how I talk, so papers are a struggle and reading "scholarly material" is like pulling my own teeth. But as the saying goes " 2.0 and GO" or "2.5 and stay alive"... so, I need to do a little soul searching and get on the ball.

   Here is the other kicker. I TRULY believe with my whole heart that college is a waste of time. My senior seminar professor even told us that it is pointless unless you want to get a masters in something specific, which I don't, so I struggle daily to get to class and do my work. And it kills me that I know that I have to get through this next year, and it killed me even MORE when I found out I can't graduate this December, because BELIEVE ME... I was already checking out, and now I have to check back in for a little while longer.

    All of this to say : If you are struggling in this area as well, Lets hold on together. Because when all of this is over, I am sure we will be happy that we suck with it. But remember it doesn't mean that you have to like it, we just gotta do it friend.

I hear you boys... 

Small group...

Just a peek into what went down tonight. We had more of a creative small group with painting, journaling, and "warm fuzzies"... Here are some pics!!

Sometimes we all just need a break from the norm to have a little more fun and use our imagination. And these girls sure did!! I love you all!!

CAUTION: confused woman straight ahead.

    How many times can you see the light at the end of the tunnel shining through, but cannot yet feel the warmth that the light will eventually generate?? If you are like me, you are STUCK IN BETWEEN seeing and feeling the light, a lot in life.

    I tend to by pass present day life, and want to have my life a year or 2 down the road. I want to graduate, get married, have a job, start a family, be on my own, have MY OWN ministry, and live a grown up "adult life", all while, not having stress, being secure, having fun and being 100% happy all of the time. Reality?? I Think not.

     I think a lot of the time, I am looking too far ahead of myself, and I am not taking the time to notice and enjoy the present.  We need to strive for the future and live in the present, and this is a current struggle of mine. There are so many things that I want to do, but because I am stuck in a transition period of life, I am stuck in limbo, waiting, learning lessons in patience and reliance, and it gets frustrating.

    How about you? Are you stuck in between the life you are currently living, and the one you keep looking ahead too??

So, how many times do I have to fall???

     SO, Lately I have been seeing just how much I try and rely on myself and not on God. It's like I am way to confident in myself in the areas of life where I need the most help ( what direction do I go in? To do or not to do? ) and yet so insecure and totally NOT confident in the easy areas of life ( being okay with WHO God made me to be, looks, intelligence...). I wonder why that is. Sometimes I wonder if I make my life harder on purpose. Do I just need adventure and a sense of the unknown so bad that I play the parts I should not play and abandon the ones I am the leading roll?

     I sometimes find myself in this thought process of " I don't need your help God, this is an easy decision", and then I FAIL. Why is it that in the 22 years of life that I have already been given, I have not learned to LEAN on God for EVERYTHING? I know I am stubborn, but THIS stubborn?? Man.

    In biblical times people would travel so far, risk everything, for the chance to see Jesus, to touch him and to have him HEAL them. This came in a time where Jesus wasn't exactly the coolest kid on the block, and yet they risked everything for a chance to RELY FULLY on HIM. And then there is ME, I live in a time where Jesus has ALREADY died for ME, all I have to do is give up everything to Him with the previous KNOWLEDGE that He can, and already has saved my life, and yet most of the time I don't. WHY?? Who knows.

    All I know is that I need to get myself in line here. I find myself going to God whenever I "need" Him, or scratch that, whenever I THINK I need Him. Truth is I need him 24/7, and even more than that, but I choose when I think I need him. When things get tough and a too hard to bare for myself, THAT is when I start a "convenient" relationship with God, that goes something like this: " God I am so sorry that I screwed up again, but I am only human ya know? Can you please forgive me and help me to change my life, Thanks!!". And then of course I screw up again. But then comes those moments where God has allowed me to fall flat on my face, to get terrified, and then I FALL TO MY KNEES and start realizing that I NEED Him. It just blows my mind, how I can let something get so far before it clicks.

    Why do we let things get to a point where we start to feel guilt, shame, or anger? God has given us the chance to live a life that is pleasing to Him. He has given us a whole book with answers and yet we chose not to read it. This is not just another school text book that I had to buy and chose not to read ( because truthfully if I do not read it and fail a class, its not the end of the world ) but if I keep choosing not to pick up the book that contains the WORDS OF GOD, putting it bluntly, I'm an Idiot.

Photobooth

I went through my photobooth program on my computer and these are the favorites I came across...enjoy!!!

Those being shown, I love you all!!!!!