insecurity and prayer

Prayer is not my strong suit.  I hate to admit that, but its just not one the things that comes with ease to me. And you know what? I get insecure about it. I help out at youth group along with quite a few other 20 somethings, and during a group prayer I find myself comparing my prayer to other peoples. If I go first I am down because it feels like everyone else's prayer seems to "trump" mine. If I want to pray at any given point in the group prayer, I sometimes stop myself because I know my prayer will come out as less " godly" or "moving". And half of the time I am analyzing everyone and the passion in their voice or their choice of wording, I'm not fully there and I'm not honoring the fact that we are talking to GOD. What is up with that?

Why in the world would I compare my prayer to someone elses? We are all talking to the same God! Why do I allow myself to feel insecure, compare and feel like people will think that I fail at my prayer life. Just because I sometimes start off my prayers like:

 " Hey God, what's up? My day really sucked today! I just want you to know that I am really struggling with everything in life right now"

                                                     Verses

" Dear Heavely Father, thank you so much for your gracious mercies that appear new to me each and everymorning, thank you for the sufferings you supply me with that I may grow."

DOES NOT mean that I fail at my prayer life. It means I am being ME. It means I am being honest with God and I am not sugar coating anything with him, I mean he knows me inside and out already, why try and hide it?  I mean still pray with respect, but there is NO prayer vocabulary. There is no prayer model to follow, it comes from the heart. So why do I get insecure?? Who cares if other people's prayers get really affirming comments and reactions, as long as I am being REAL with God, I think that is enough. Now if I can just keep reminding myself of this.

Have faith like a child right?

New stages

    It has been awhile since I updated, so here I go...

I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!! ( Pictures to prove it!! )

<<<<< REAL Proof hahah

I took a week an a half off from everything to just chill and BE for a bit before I started "real life" at CarMax!! I think that was the best thing I could have done. I wish I would have taken MORE time to just be but, the 1.5 weeks was GREAT!! Andrew and I went to the beach 2 times and then went 4-wheeling, it was SO much fun!!

Well, Like I said above I now work at CarMax Coorprate Office! BIIIIG BIIIIIG Change for  me, and if I'm honest with you, one I don't love. Sitting at a "9-5" job in a cubical, calling people all day long, is NOT AT ALL my idea of fun. It is not me at all. I need a CREATIVE job. Something where I can express myself and talk to people and see color and LIFE!! I need creativity outside of the Doodling I do when I am on hold.
[ Below are pictures of my desk and my "hold doodles"]

Although, having a "real job" is not too bad. When you leave, you leave your work at work. I don't have homework or anything to study for, I just go to work, come home and VAWALA I can BE where I am.

If I am honest with you again, my attitude this week towards my job has been very poor. I think I am at the breaking point, where I SHOULD know what to do in 95% of the situations, but I'm more at the 75% mark and it makes me feel insecure and stupid. I have this HUGE fear of failure, that I won't be good enough, that I will let myself down and I will look bad infront of others! It has been eating me alive. And even though I have Philippians 4:11 ["Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."] taped to my computer,
I find myself to be disatisfied. I am working on it, but like my job I feel like contentment has put me on hold. But I'll wait. I'm not saying it will be an easy "hold" but I need to once again re-adjust and find out who I am in my new world.

Can I help you???

       I have been paying attention to peoples words and actions alot more lately. Something that I have noticed that has started to rub me the wrong way, is when someone tells you that if you need anything to call them, BUT you know they are doing somethiing that they cannot leave or won't leave to lend you the help offered. That really bothers me. I know that the person may WANT to help you, but what if you actually needed help, and you were to go to that person, and then they couldn't/wouldn't help you? It's as if the person just WANTS to give off the air of love and compassion without actually following through.
       I am sure I have/do this as well, and that urks me! I want to be the type of person that follows through on their word. It reminds me of Matthew 5:37 "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." Let your offer be an offer that can be depended on! 

DRUM ROLL PLEASE.........

         Are you ready for the big news?? Sit down, brace yourself.....


I AM FINALLY GRADUATING FROM VCU!!!!!

Thats right.... FINALLY... 5 years in and I will graduate May 21!! GOODNESS. It feels so good. When I got my final grade back I was jumping, screaming and dancing...Ahhh so glorious!! Andrew was with me when I found out and we popped a celebratory bottle of champagne  ( ofcourse shook it up real well to get the "POP", because thats the part that makes it seem legit )!!

So this means I will no longer be "stuck inbetween" college life and "real world" life because I have a job with Carmax now!! I am so pumped, I cannot wait to start this new stage of life. A 9-5 in an office will be hard for me at first, but I'll get used to it. The hardest part will be not being with the Unice's as much!! I will miss hanging with them and being in their lives on such a regular basis, but I will not be GONE GONE. They can't get rid of me.

But that is the news of the week. FINALLY NO MORE VCU!!!

Just another day at the office....

      Nicole Unice and her family are amazing... here are some pictures to prove it! I love watching your kids!! :) Melissa if you read this, I'm lovin yours too!!

Pictures say a thousand words... but the fun we have is too much for words!!

Vote.

       I Just wanted to share with you my favorite picture of all time... Vote which one stikes you more. Or why you like either one...

A. Me and Andrew. This was a picture that was taken by my mom when he got home from Chile!

B.

First Ever Nascar experience...

           Yesterday I got to experience NASCAR!! I had told Andrew that I wanted to go to a race because it comes to Richmond every year on my birthday weekend. And being the amazing man he is, he got us tickets to go yesterday( And my birthday is not until tomorrow)!! Andrew not only got tickets for him and I, but for Miller ( my brother) and Emily ( His wife) as well, and it was amazing!!
           The day started off with tailgating and people watching. Our next move was heading over to buy me a t-shirt. I went with Mark Martin #5 for my man of the night, unfortunately he came no where close to winning but it did not matter to me, I was just loving the whole ordeal of NASCAR! There were crazy people, drunk people, red neck people, sober people, rich people, young and old people, just about every classification of human was there.
          The cars were SO loud and SOOO fast, I could not believe it! And when we were there we saw 8 CAUTIONS!! And Jeff Gordon got into a crash that took him out of the race!! It was AWESOME!! I would definitely go again FOR SURE!! If you have not ever been to a Nascar race I would recommend it, even if you don't like Nascar on tv, because I sure don't, however, the whole live Nascar experience is just unreal!!

 My new Marky Mark T-Shirt!!!

Andrew and I during the race...CHECK OUT ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE!!!